Devon

04:19 pm: hey you guys...
new journal...
http://www.livejournal.com/users/xmsnotsoprettyx/
only visit it if you really love me...
later...

02:07 pm: ok...
so lately...
life has been a bore...
nothin much but school and work..
and sometimes friends...
last monday i went with damian to see a movie...
and it was great fun as always...
then this past friday...
karl and i went to see alien vs. predator...
which i thought was going to be really dumb...
but it was actually good...
and we got his ears pierced...
they go great with his shaved head LOL...
ya that weirdo shaved his head...
then saturday night karl and i and his parents..
and our friends chris and anne all went to movie on the lawn...
and we ended up getting bored and going to wild wing...
and we stayed there till like 11:45..
and i got home around 12 that night..
then sunday...
didnt really do anything...
i worked...
so ya pretty damn boring...
damian's birthday is tomorrow...
i was gonna go to his work and suprise him..
but i decided not to...
i just sent him a pretty picture in the mail LOL...
there is one person that i really depise now...
that i thought i used to be friends with...
but now i cannot stand him at all...
ya thats right...
you should know who you are...
you stuck up asshole who can only talk to your certain little friends...
fuck you dude...
ok thats it...
had to have some venting...
later...

court in 7 days for my ticket...
and 2 years in like a month and 4 days...

01:14 pm: well today is sad for some reason...
maybe cuz it is so freakin cloudy outside...
anyways..
so karl and i got in a really big fight last night...
it was bad...
but on another note..
damion and i are going to a movie uh...
whenever he gets here...
that should be fun...
and hopefully i will be home on time..
i have to be at work by 5...
and the movie doesnt start till like 2:20..
anyways...
i cant believe a month of school is already over...
and if i dont finish registering for the SAT's then i wont be able to go LOL...
ok well i dont have much more to say..
later

05:15 pm: hmmm...
wuts been uo with me lately...
lets see...
well school is going ok...
i hate it tho..
all the work and shit...
anyways..
yearbook has been fun except for ali...
trying to boss me around all the time...
and work has been...
uhhh...
work LOL...
its been kinda fun...
karl and i...
still fighting too much..
on sunday i saw this really cute guy that came into stevi b's...
and i gave him my number and he ate with me on my break..
and i hung out with him last night at a church thing...
and he was soooo freakin polite...
it was great..
and not to mention that hes cute :)
his name is damion..
or according to him D$ LOL...
anyways...
tonight i am throwing my parents a anniversary party...
it should be fun...
its their 25th anniversary...
well i gotta go take a nap before i have to party all night...
later

01:46 pm: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!
FUCK!!!!
i dont understand anyone that lives in this world!!!

09:43 am: well you guys..
i am making my journal friends only..
for a couple different reasons...
but one main one...
anyways..
if i dont have you on my friends list...
or you find for some reason that you cant look at my journal...
let me know and i will fix it for ya...
love ya guys...

08:54 pm: well i decided not to go to school today...
i was supposedly "sick"...
but i really just didnt want to go...
i didnt feel like seeing most of the people i have to see in school...
so i didnt go..
ummm...
i slept till like 10:30 or 11...
then i got up and got something to eat...
watched tv and stuff...
till like 2...
then went back to sleep again...
so i should be all rested up and not tired at all tomorrow..
ok...
so i was workin tonight..
and these two really hot guys come in...
then as they were walkin off..
i started thinkin...
why is it that i cant go out with a guy like that...
they both seem really sweet and caring...
and they definately got the looks goin for them..
hmmm...
it started really buggin me...
then i realized that people were waiting on me to ring them up...
so i couldnt think about it anymore...
but i thought it was funny...
talked to joe tonight...
we might hang out sometime this weekend after i get off work...
since how anna has to work...
those two crazy kids are back together...
and i am mucho mucho happy for them...
umm well shit...
i dont have nething else to say...
im goin to bed...
later...

08:38 pm: well...
what a crazy and eventful day today was...
not really..
i think ive gone fuckin crazy tho...
i left my house this morning at like 5:40...
to go to mikes house and help him fix his hair...
and turns out we couldnt really do anything...
it was shorter than i thought..
but it looked ok the way it turned out...
then went to school...
and the freakin power went out when i was walkin down the stairs...
all that damn construction at school..
couch perdue's wife had the baby so we have a mean ass sub in there...
well i made it all the way to luch without being super tired..
then i got tired...
anyways...
josh keeps bugging me about going out with him...
fuckin retard doesnt get the point that i dont like him...
i like one certain someone..
that is going to remain unmentioned because they read my journal...
i think...
anyways...
so school finally ended..
and mike apparently didnt like the pretty picture i made him...
it said...
"you emo freak... and your wannabe emo hair.. it's so solid..."
i thought it was cute...
then i got home and eli came by for like 30 minutes to help me cut grass...
that bastard...
then bobby came and helped me...
and we got all of the front done...
i had to push mow damnit...
while bobby fuckin used the riding lawn mower...
but, we got it done...
then i went to ashley and brittany's house...
till like 8:30...
and we all chilled with chris...
this other kid from the neighborhood..
and now i am bored as hell...
so if you love me...
call me...

05:48 pm: i sware to god...
i am a "come fucking hurt me" magnet...
there is not one guy that "likes" me that can fuckin care for me...
everyone tells me to get away from karl...
that i can find someone a lot better...
man was that a bunch of bullshit...
every guy that has been interested in me has hurt me since then..
what the fuck...
you know wut im gonna try...
fuck guys...
you fucking assholes...
i dont need one..
all they do is use me...
so even tho i want someone to love me...
i am gonna get over it hopefully...
cuz i am tired of being hurt...
FUCK YOU GUYS!!!

07:40 pm: ahh...
the first day of school...
what the fuck...
summer sure did fly by..
anyways...
all my teachers seem pretty nice...
and i have lunch with all my friends..
so im happy...
today was ok...
i guess..
i miss some things about last year...
but other than that...
it was cool..
179 more days till graduation LOL..
im already counting down...
thats pretty sad...
anyways...
so mike called me and asked me if i wanted to go up to the mall with him...
so i went with him and phil up to circuit city...
so he could get a new cd player for his car...
then we walked around the mall till it was done...
then mike and i went and picked up his friend josh...
all i have to say is...
ummm wow...
male airhead...
anyways...
we hung out at my house for a little while..
then they left...
and i did my psychology homework...
and thats it..
now im sitting here bored as fuck...
so ya...
if ur bored..
call me up..
later...
p.s. i am really missing a certain something right now... if you think u can help me tell me LOL

10:56 am: ok...
so ive been having a rough time lately...
me and karl...
ummm kinda friends...
but very pissed at each other...
me and bobby...
were friends...
then he asked me out..
and was a dickhead...
and apparently didnt really like me...
just wanted some...
so were not talkin anymore...
there goes another best friend...
me and eli...
eli has really been there for me lately...
hes been the best friend in the whole world...
my dad...
is in the hospital...
and hopefully getting out tomorrow...
not sure yet...
they said if he doesnt get any better...
they have to do surgery...
im so depressed...
its beyond even having anything to talk to anyone about..
you know...
when you get so upset that you're beyond talking...
thats me...
but anyways...
school starts tomorrow....
yucky...
but im leaving...
going to pick up my uniform from stevi bs...
and then to the hospital...
later

07:57 pm: i kid-sat today...
i had to get up at 6 this morning...
and i didnt want to get up at all..
it sucked...
but ya...
so i did that until like 4...
then mom picked me up and brought me home...
so i could make myself pretty...
then i had to drive myself to registration...
cuz my mom and sis had to take my dad to the hospital..
he has to get fluid injected in him...
and he has to get a hole cut in his chest to get a feeding tube put in...
so ummm...
ya...
im pretty damn depressed right now...
and fuck bobby...
he hasnt even called me...
great fucking "boyfriend"...
anyways...
eli went to meet his half brother adam today..
i guess it went well...
i havent really talked to him...
but ya...
im gonna go for now...
im kinda upset...
later...

09:47 pm: well today was completely...
how should i say this...
BORING...
the only thing i did was leave to go eat lunch at stevi b's...
and i left to dinner at golden buddah and went to hobby lobby...
then i came home...
and other than that i havent gone anywhere...
i washed clothes all day...
cuz i havent washed any in a while and i was running out...
so ya...
you know you need to wash clothes when you are a major underwear person...
and you have tons of underwear..
and its all gone...
so you have to wash clothes then!!
but ummm...
anyways...
i might hang out with karl on saturday..
well im pretty sure we are anyways...
well i have to babysit tomorrow...
and then i have to go to registration...
then back home again..
well thats it...
later...

12:24 pm: ok well...
now that things are getting a little bit smoother in my life..
i think i am going to come back and write again...
did you guys miss me...
:)...
i cut off my hair...
its pretty short now LOL...
its kinds cute...
but some days it just makes me mad...
shit....
school starts in 6 days...
AHHHHH...
i cant believe it...
dude...
senior year...
hell fuckin ya...
ok there isnt really anything else to talk about...
later

11:57 am: well ummm...
it seems i cant really talk about how i feel on here anymore...
without someone getting mad at me...
so...
i've decided just to not write in this stupid thing...
and i'm sorry some of you dont want to hear about karl...
but hey...
if you think it is a bad decision...
kill me over it...
but its my decision and you should support me in it...
and some of you are just sayin...
i'm not fuckin talkin to you about this anymore...
just because i make a decision that you dont like over and over again...
doesnt mean that i dont still need someone there for me...
like me...
i support all of my friends in whatever they choose...
eli...
he chose to become a druggie...
i wouldnt choose to do that, or be involved in it...
but if for any reason he ever needed some kind of help...
i would be there for him, even tho i dont really approve of it...
its not like you guys have to talk to karl, or see him...
i dont make you do that...
but u could at least listen to me when i am having problems...
without repetitively saying "i told you so" or "it's ur problem"...
but u know what...
you guys win...
as far as you will know..
i have a boyfriend...
whos name is karl..
and you will hear nothing more of him...
cuz thats what ive been fuckin driven to..,

01:09 am: ok...
well it's pretty damn late...
anyways...
karl called me a couple of minutes ago...
and i answered the phone and he told me he wanted to leave me a message...
so i hung up and he left me a message and i called to get it...
well the message said that he couldnt go with me to stone mountain...
and that he wanted me to call him in the morning cuz he wanted to talk...
about some stuff and he basically implied that he was breakin up with me...
and i havent been able to stop crying since...
i have a huge feeling of emptiness throughout my body...
i can barely breathe...
i didnt know that the day that something like this happened...
would be so hard...
well maybe its the fact of loosing ur virginity to someone..
or the fact that they were telling you how they wanted to propose to you...
my world keeps crumbling more and more in front of my eyes...
and i feel like nothing right now..
the only person that was really up to talk to was mike...
so i tried talkin to him about it...
and he basically didnt care...
which i can understand because the whole karl thing we went through...
man..
this is one of those times...
u wish you had the guts to kill urself...
which i always promised myself...
that relationships would never hurt me this bad...
but i guess its out of my control...
FUCKIN FORGET THIS BULLSHIT!!!
I CANT HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW!!!
ALL I NEED IS FOR SOMEONE TO BE THERE TO LOVE ME!
AND THE ONE PERSON THAT DID!!
HATES ME NOW!!!

06:53 pm: I JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW...
THAT I...

|
\ _ / WISH I WAS AT THE BEACH
-= (_) =-
/ \ _\/_
| //o\ _\/_
_____ _ __ __ ____ _ | /o\\
=-=-_-__=_-= _=_=-=_,-'|"'""-|-,_
=- _=-=- -_=-=_,-" |
=- =- -=.--"


AND THURSDAY KARL IS LEAVING TO
GO TO THE BEACH...
WITHOUT ME...
WHILE I GET MY WISDOM TEETH OUT!!
I'M SAD :(

~*dev*~

02:42 pm: well today is really boring...
i didnt wake up till almost 12...
and i hate waking up that late cuz the day seems to go by super fast..
but karl said he couldnt come over...
cuz his back hurt...
so i haent done like anything today...
but talk to him on the phone and talk on the computer..
then he had to go to work early cuz they called him in..
so now there is really nothing to do..
anna is asking me if i want to do anything right now...
we might hang out..
ugh....
3 days till i get my wisdom teeth out..
i'm so scared...
i'm gonna be a chipmunk...
grrrr...
karl leaves on thursday to go to florida...
i dont want him to go :(...
but anyways..
i will stop whining and go look for movies for me and anna...
~*DEV*~

08:18 pm: well today karl came over...
and he rode his freakin bike over again LOL...
so he had to take another shower...
but no bad news this time :)...
so we watched the butterfly effect and bad santa...
i ended up fallin asleep in bad santa...
and got woken up with a kiss, hehehe...
then we went out and played on the 4 wheeler for a little bit...
then we had to pack his bike up in my car...
and take him to work...
and he doesnt get off till 2 am again...
grrr...
kayla had to leave this morning at 6:30 to go to work...
and i had to get up to let her out cuz of the alarm...
and man, i could barely hold my eyes open...
but ya when i got back from dropping karl off at work...
i went to sleep...
and i slept from like 5:30 till 9....
thats rough LOL...
i stopped by and got an application from a coffee shop...
it looks like it would be a fun place to work at..
so im gonna try that and if it doesnt work, then i will go back to stevi b's...
well i think that is all for right now...
there wasnt much more that happened today...
i will talk to you guys later....
love ya...
~*DEV*~

08:36 pm: well today was my b-day...
and the curse continues...
i never have a good b-day....
karl rode his bike all the way to my house...
so that he could be with me on my b-day...
so when he got to my house he said he wanted to take a shower...
so i got him a towel and stuff and he took a shower in my shower...
and he got dressed in my room after he was done...
well...
when he was in my room, he read my journal...
and in it it talked about when mike and i kissed...
and karl came upstairs and asked me to come downstairs...
and i did and when i got there..
he shoved my journal in my face and was like "thanks"...
all i could do was beg and cry to him...
i basically cried all day today cuz...
i felt like shit...
since how he has been the greatest lately...
the only guy that has truely been there for me...
no matter what all my friends say about him...
and no matter how many times i have called him an asshole...
or how many times he has been an asshole...
he still really cares for me and loves me...
this is the last time any of my friends are going to hear of karl deuser...
i'm not talking about him to anyone anymore...
and i expect all of you to respect my decisions of staying by his side...
and i know most of you will..
but i truely want this to be the end of all the bad karl comments...
and all the "you really shouldnt stay with him" comments...
karl is the guy i truely love...
and i love him even through all the mistakes he makes...
just like he loves me through mine...
ok...
well happy fuckin b-day to me...
i wish i could never have one again...
cuz mine always bring shity stuff with them...
hopefully when i get up tomorrow...
i will have a much better day...
and congrats karl...
you are a high school graduate...
i'm proud of you..
you worked really hard for it..
and feel special...
you were part of the biggest summer school graduating class..
go you!!!...
i love you all...
later...
~*DEV*~